Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
