We won't sleep together?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
