Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
