Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Drake has all the answers
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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