I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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