Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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