so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
