I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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