Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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