I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
