i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
