the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
