Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
