the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
