he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
