Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
