I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Never joke about your clitoris.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
