I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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