I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
