I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
