ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
