so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
