I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
