john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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