you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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