a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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