I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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