So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
