isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
