he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
