Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
