The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
