I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
