I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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