We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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