I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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