He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
