With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
