I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
