I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
