dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
