The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
