She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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