The maid of honor just puked.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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