Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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