Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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