WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
