I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
