I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
