farters have to be the big spoon...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize