Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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