the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
