Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
