matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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