I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
