good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
