Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
