Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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