I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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