I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
