that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
