Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
