Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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