Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
